Wednesday, January 26, 2005

I miss the man

It's 12:01 a.m. and all I can think of right now is how much I miss my husband.

I am 31 weeks along and I could feel our baby moving for quite some time now. Aside from myself, only 3 other people have felt our baby work out those little arms and legs - my mom, a lady doctor from the immigration, and a girlfriend. For some reason, little angel is most active just before I go to bed at night. For the most part of the day however, she is... well... asleep.

Like most if not all moms, I always feel a tremendous rush of joy whenever I get to experience something new with our baby. But what may be unique to me is that the rush is soon followed by pangs of sadness. The reason: I would always wish that Jay-ar was here to share in every new experience.

If I were to list the top 3 most-exciting-baby-moments-so-far, I'd say they are:

• hearing her heartbeat for the first time
• feeling her move for the first time, and
• finding out our baby is a girl.
  On a sidenote, I wasn't hoping for a boy or girl in particular. It just felt awesome to know we can finally refer to her as "she" versus "he/she" or "the baby". Not to mention it made shopping a breeze.

Consequently, not being able to share them first hand with Jay-ar also makes them most heart wrenching. Bittersweet.

I've already done some shopping in preparation for our baby's arrival. My mom has been great and she always accompanied me in my sprees. I still have several items (like 20 items several) to scratch off my list, and I need to get that done before my tummy gets too big for me to walk around the mall. I know my mom will be there to help pick out the good buys and to restrain me from any impulse buying. Still, I'd give anything for baby's mommy and daddy to be doing the shopping together. Now let me say for the record that I love my mom, I appreciate everything she is doing, and I enjoy spending time with her. It's just that I've always pictured such moments differently, especially for the first baby. After all, you get to have the first baby... well... only once.

---------------------------------------------------------

Jay-ar, I miss you so much. I wish you were here to share in all the special moments first hand.

--------------------------------------------------------